I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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