The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
