one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
