Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
