You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
