So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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