just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
