Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
