she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize