So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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