thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You ate ashes out of my bong
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
