my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
