You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
