The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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