We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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