someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
