I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
