I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
