I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Less talking, more tequila
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
