I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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