She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
