dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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