I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
