Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
