Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
