I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
