I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
