and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize