Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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