I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
