just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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