i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
