So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize