Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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