Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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