This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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