my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
