I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
