literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
