Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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