I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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