It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
