i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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