You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
