life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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