he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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