Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is this like a preordered booty call?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize