Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize