Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
