dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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