I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize