She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
