Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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