this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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