Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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