Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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