just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
