saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
