Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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