He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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