She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
