I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
