he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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