I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
