Its about making memories worth repressing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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